Let me preface this with the fact that my mother died at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic which made every step of this that much harder and slower and that nearly every step was met with incompetence and delays from people working from home. Nevertheless, it would have been significantly worse if I hadn’t taken the before death actions listed previously. You can find a spreadsheet with our full checklist here.
Priority One: Dealing with the body, stopping expenses, and the grieving process.
Step 1: Call the crematory, funeral home, or whomever you have chosen to take care of the body. I chose the most popular and cheapest crematory in our area and although their service was not perfect, they eventually got the job done. By the way, Heartland Hospice recommended this crematory. For $1433, the body was picked up, cremated, and the ashes were sent to another state for a burial that my parents had prepaid decades ago. The price also included 15 certified death certificates, but as it turned out, I have thus far needed only 2, as I have been permitted to submit many electronically as online documents. I was assigned a funeral director apprentice who was slow and made a few rookie mistakes, but he nevertheless got the job done while I only had to follow up with him a few times. My mother’s prepaid burial next to my father also included engraving a marker, which will be completed after the ashes were buried. Because the burial is in another state far away, I have requested that they send a photo of the fresh burial and the engraved marker.
Step 2: Notify friends and relatives. I made a notification list to split between myself and my sibling, listing contact info for each person on the list.
Thanks to the pandemic, we held no memorial service other than an immediate family Zoom Wake.
Step 3: Because we were paying $395/day for the Cadillac of Alzheimer’s care facilities, I moved my mom’s belongings out the same day she died. Loaded each piece of furniture into my minivan and drove them home one at a time. Made sure to inform the facility that she was officially moved out. (The obscene cash flow must stop!) Also, check to see if they owe you a security deposit or if you are due a partial refund on this month’s room & board.
Step 4: Obituaries are SO expensive. After checking prices (several hundred dollars) at newspapers and Legacy.com, we posted hers for free. The crematory included a free posting which will be forever Google searchable and we were allowed to include a bunch of photos with it and a lengthy write-up. But more successful in spreading the word was our own free posting on Facebook. I don’t know what those Generation Z crowd are going to do, but for my generation and ones above and below it, Facebook was phenomenal.
Before you are done with your funeral director, you must get those death certificates to conduct business. My apprentice funeral director did not bother to check that my mom’s doctor would not sign the death certificate online. This created an unnecessary delay which is apparently common. The process is that the crematory sends the death certificate request to the doctor and they must sign off on the date and cause of death. Only after that can they begin the cremation. Then the doctor sends the signed certificate to the crematory. The crematory must snail mail the signed certificate (in Missouri) to the state capital for “certification” and then they snail mail it back to the crematory. Then the crematory finally FedEx’ed the death certificates to me. It was more than a month after my mother’s death when I finally received the certificates, and perhaps only a few days of that delay was because of the pandemic.
Consider using this time to send a few thank you notes. Possible recipients: your parent’s doctor, care facility, neighbors and friends who have been helpful.
Priority Two: Tell Agencies and applicable Income Sources about the Death before you have a death certificate
Quickly, before things get messed up, get the information out there.
Before you have the death certificate, you can and should report the death to:
Retirement Income Sources – my mother had three and all of them accepted my word regarding her death. Some even had ways for me to report it online. The only one most people have in common is Social Security. Even though your funeral director will notify them, it can take 6 months, so YOU should do it yourself. Either call your local office or 1-800-772-1213. Social security will also notify Medicare for you. You will get to keep any checks sent through the rest of the month of your parent’s death but would need to return any checks sent after that month.
Notify any secondary health insurance that your parent has.
Notify the bank where your parent is receiving monthly income EFTs so that they will reject them in future months. (To save you from having to figure out how to return them.)
When your parent dies, their revocable trust becomes irrevocable and you are forced to obtain an EIN number for this “new” trust. It will cost you about $250. When you do your parent’s taxes next year, you can use this number AND their SSN together for the same tax return. Obtain a Trust Tax ID (EIN) Number | Online EIN Application – Business Help Center
Once you have the death certificate you can continue on.