Time Machine Talk Show (2015)

This children’s Christmas play tells the Christmas story in the format of a talk show.

2016 Adaptation from Northstar Church

It can be performed with less children than many of my other plays. It is possible for children to double up on parts and there are opportunities for kids to pre-record parts or voice overs if they cannot attend lots of practices. Adults can also do a few parts or voice overs. There are no solos in this play, but there are songs sung by the cast as a group. The host/hostess of the talk show has a huge role. It can either be an older kid, the director, or a couple of kids could share the part with a tiny bit of rewriting of the play.

In December 2023 it was performed at the GR Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan. They performed it after their main worship service, so fast forward to about the 52 minute mark in their FaceBook video to see it.

Capital Temple Ministries, December 2022 adaptation

In 2022 Capital Temple Ministries in Maryland performed it with an all adult cast with very impressive results. You can watch it on the YouTube video above. Greater Emmanual Family Worship Center performed it just the day before and posted theirs on Facebook.

The full program is listed below or you can download this Word document that you can modify as needed.

Mission connection: When advertising, ask the audience to bring an unwrapped “baby gift for Jesus” to the play. At the end, they can bring them up to the communion rail. They can be given to a children’s home.

Kids walk into the sanctuary in twos (older one with a younger one) and sit in front pews while playing one of the following or your own favorite Christmas hymn:

John 3:16

God So Loved the World

Director makes introductory remarks explaining how the play is in the form of a talk show, with the host/hostes interviewing people from distant times using their patented time machine.

Set: Two comfortable chairs facing the audience but slightly angled toward each other. Perhaps a low coffee table in front of them with bottles of water for the host/hostess and guest. Perhaps a few potted plants off to the side. Where the guest enters the set, there should be some sort of archway that is the exit from the time machine. It will be best if you have a screen on which you can show both the powerpoint lines (helps the audience understand mumblers and aids the hearing impaired) and the fake commercials that can be recorded in advance. An overhead sign should read “Time Machine Talk Show.”

Costumes: People from the past must dress in period costumes. The talk show host/hostess should dress semi-formally, like a real talk show host/hostess on tv would dress, or at least dress up enough to give that impression. Or alternately, the host/hostess could dress futuristically with an odd wig and clothes? (Think Hunger Games)

Commercials: The commercials can be done live or pre-recorded, whichever works out best for your group. The actors in the commercials can be the same actors or different kids, or even just voice overs.

Advertisements for your play: Use scandalous slogans

Unwed mother of the Bible

Man takes bride despite alleged unfaithfulness

Murder plot by King to kill young sons

Gabriel pounds Herod in debate

SCENE 1 Interview with Mary

(Kids not on stage applaud as host/hostess comes onto the stage and stop when host/hostess begins speaking.)

Trish/Tommy: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am Trish/Tommy Timewarp and you have tuned in to the Time Machine Talk Show. Today we have travelers visiting from the first century. We will begin with a teenager who created quite the scandal in her time. Let’s give a warm welcome to Mary of Nazareth.

(Kids applaud as Mary enters the stage through the time machine door.)

(From here, I am going to use Trish and hostess, but if you have a male host, please do a blanket find and replace on the document to switch Trish to Tommy and hostess to host.)

Trish: (stands up and shakes Mary’s hand, then both sit down) Mary, thank you for joining us today on the Time Machine Talk Show. Please have a seat.

Mary: Thank you, Trish.

Trish: So, are those first century maternity clothes that you are sporting?

Mary: (looking a little embarrassed) Why no, Trish. I have only recently become “with child.” Women of my time and faith dress in simple, loose fitting garments.

Trish: Mary, we’ve learned a lot about science in the two thousand years since you lived, and it’s pretty clear that virgin births simply don’t happen. Is there something you’d like to confess?

Mary: (Mary looks a little surprised and a little angry, her mouth drops open for a moment.) No, Trish, I most certainly do not. As you might imagine, I was pretty surprised myself when I realized that I was with child. However, it was foretold by Isaiah in his scroll, chapter 7 verse 14, that the Lord would give us a sign when a virgin will be with child, give birth to a son, and call him Immanuel. It means “God is with us.”

Trish: (waggling her eyebrows up and down to the audience) We heard that you had an unexpected male visitor, Mary. Would you care to tell us about him? Was he cute?

Mary: (getting visibly more angry and defensive) If you mean Gabriel, an angel and messenger from God himself, then yes, I had an unexpected male visitor. And I wasn’t really thinking about whether or not he was cute, as I was quite scared.

Trish: Ooh, tell us more!

Mary: As I said, I was quite frightened, but Gabriel comforted me and told me not to be afraid. He told me that I had found favor with God and that I would give birth to a son and should name him “Jesus.” He said that my son would be great and that he would reign over the house of Jacob forever and that his kingdom would never end.

Trish: Back to science, Mary. Did this handsome dude, Gabriel, explain just how you were going to have a child without, well, you know.

Mary: He said that the Holy Spirit would come upon me and the power of the Most High would overshadow me. That was enough explanation for me.

Trish: Mary, thank you for being on our show and telling us all about your little escapades. (Mary looks cross and frustrated.) We will be hearing from your intended in just a few moments, after these words from our sponsor.

(Mary leaves the stage while commercial is played.)

SCENE 2 Diaper Ad

(For this ad, you can either show a diaper picture on the screen and talk over it, have an oversized kid/adult come out and prance around in a cloth homemade diaper, or have someone carry out a diapered doll.)

First Century moms and dads, are you tired of your baby being damp and smelly all the time? Do you find yourself keeping little junior out in the barn to keep your home smelling fresher? Well, fret no more. Try these revolutionary Dry Bottoms disposable diapers! Made from the purest of Hebron-fed sheep wool, they will keep your tyke’s bottom dry!

SCENE 3 Interview with Joseph

Trish: Welcome back to the Time Machine Talk Show, starring me, Trish Timewarp. Next we will be talking to that hot stud from the first century, Joseph of Nazareth. Audience, please give a round of applause to Joseph of Nazareth.

(Kids applaud as Joseph enters the stage through the time machine door. Trish stands to shake hands with Joseph, then both sit down.)

Trish: Joseph, there is some controversy about whether you are really from Nazareth or Bethlehem. Can you shed some light on this?

Joseph: Yes, I can, Trish. Many of my people, including myself, have been living and working in Nazareth for some time, but we descended from the family of King David, so we are considered to officially be from Bethlehem.

Trish: Yes, well, what difference does it make, Joseph?

Joseph: This year it will make quite a big difference to us because we will have to travel to Bethlehem for the census, thanks to a decree from Caesar Augustus. Caesar Augustus decided that we all had to travel to our towns of origin to be counted. We all know that it’s so he’ll be able to more easily collect taxes from us. What a waste of everyone’s time, as we cannot earn money to feed our families while we are traveling. Even worse, my betrothed must travel while she is heavy with child. It will be a great discomfort to her.

Trish: (again waggling her eyebrows to the audience) Joseph, I am glad that you mentioned that floozy to whom you are betrothed. Can you tell us your reaction when you discovered that she had a bun in the oven?

Joseph: (rolls his eyes and sighs before speaking) Trish, I must ask you to refrain from calling my beloved a floozy. There is no merit to your claim.

Trish: My apologies, Joseph. Please tell us your reaction when you discovered that this hot mama was with child.

Joseph: (sighs again) Trish, at first, I was saddened and disappointed, because I also thought that Mary had been unfaithful. However, I quickly learned that the boy child in her womb was God’s son and came to realize what a momentous blessing Mary and I were given.

Trish: I guess Mary really pulled the wool over your eyes, Joseph! What a disgrace.

Joseph: No, Trish, she did not pull the wool over my eyes. At first, I had planned to dismiss her quietly to avoid a scandal, but I changed my mind. Would you like to hear what really happened?

Trish: Absolutely! I can’t wait to hear it!

Joseph: Well, as usual, I had been working really hard that day and I was very tired, so I fell soundly asleep that night.

Trish: What line of work are you in, Joseph? Gladiator? Chariot driver?

Joseph: I am a carpenter. I build things. As I was saying, I fell asleep and I had a dream. In the dream, an angel appeared to me and told me not to be afraid to take Mary as my wife. The angel said that the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit, that it was a boy, and that I was to name him “Jesus” because he would save our people from their sins.

Trish: And you believed this dream?

Joseph: Yes, of course. Dreams are one of the primary ways that we receive messages from God, and everything that the angel said was supported by Isaiah’s prophecies. I felt honored beyond belief to be responsible for raising the Son of God and taking care of His mother.

Trish: (looking at audience while speaking) Another handsome bachelor bites the dust, ladies. Don’t try this on your man. This scheme will only work once and Mary has already used it!

Trish: Joseph, thank you for telling us your side of the story on the Time Machine Talk Show today. We had better send you on your way to buy a donkey and head off to Bethlehem with Mary. And now a word from our sponsors.

(Joseph leaves the stage during the commercial, or if live, Joseph does the commercial and then leaves afterward. Either way, he leaves through the time machine door.

SCENE 4 Carpentry Services Ad by Joseph

Joseph or a spokesperson for his company narrates the ad.

First century dwellers, we have a two for one opportunity from Joseph’s Carpentry services. Hire this fine man to build your house and he’ll build you a table to go with it for free! Hire him to build a table and he’ll build you a stool to go with it for free! Please call now for a free estimate.

SCENE 5 Inn Keeper Ad

Weary travelers returning to your homes of origin, take a rest along the way or at your destination in one of our fine inns. Accommodations range from royal to pauper.

We have the finest accommodations including servants and feather pillows at the Heroday Inn.

(Herod’s actual palace)

http://www.bible-history.com/jerusalem/herods_palace.jpg

We have more modest accommodations in our Hovel Inn Suites.

https://ordaineddiva.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/20150115_100208.jpg

And if we run out of room, there’s always the stable!

http://www.culture24.org.uk/asset_arena/8/74/81/218478/v0_master.jpg

Make your reservation today!

SCENE 6 Breaking News of Birth and Interview with Shepherd

Trish: We have breaking news coming in from the first century.

Reporter: (Can be Trish if you’re short on people.)(Reporter goes to center stage or is shown pre-recorded on screen) A baby has been born in a stable in Bethlehem and he is said to be a king. It is causing quite a stir. (Show a pre-recorded still shot of Mary and Joseph sitting together, with Mary holding a baby.) The parents are reported to be Joseph and Mary, having just arrived in Bethlehem from Nazareth.

Trish: Those two first century people sure are doing great things for our ratings! As we speak, we have field reporters looking for first century witnesses to bring through our time machine for an interview. Oh, here comes one now. Please welcome this first century shepherd.

(Audience applauds as shepherd walks through time machine onto stage. This is an opportunity to add another part – you could have two shepherds and split the part in two. If you have any kids who are too young for a speaking part, they can be sheep and come with the shepherd(s).Boy shepherds’ names can be Akiva and Gad. Girl shepherds can be named Ariella and Freida.)

(Trish gets up and shakes hands with the shepherd(s) and then all sit down.)

Trish: Welcome, first century man. I am Trish, the hostess of the Time Machine Talk Show. Can you please introduce yourself and tell us what you do for a living?

Akiva: My name is Akiva and I am a shepherd. I spend my days taking care of my herd of sheep. My family and I sell the wool and products made from wool.

Trish: (turning up her nose a bit at the thought of a smelly guy who tends sheep) How did you hear about this baby Jesus who was recently born?

Akiva: My brothers and I were out in the field, watching over the sheep, and we were half scared to death. Angels of the Lord appeared to us and His glory shown all around them. Now before you think of me and my brothers as cowards, let me tell you that we have protected the sheep from many a dangerous wild animal, but these angels were something else entirely!

Trish: (scooting to the edge of her seat in excitement) So what did you do?

Akiva: We didn’t do anything, unless you count cowering in fear. But the angels told us that we didn’t need to be afraid and that they were bringing us good news that would cause great joy for all people. They said that a baby boy had been born who in a stable who is our Savior and that we would find him in a manger, swaddled in cloth.

Trish: Then what happened?

Akiva: Well, of course we sang about it with pure joy, then we hustled off to Bethlehem to see the boy king.

Trish: What did you sing?

Akiva: (grinning) Glad you asked, Trisha. If I can have some help, I’ll sing it for you.

(all participants go onto the stage and sing two songs)

“Angels We Have Heard on High” UMH 238

“O Little Town of Bethlehem” UMH 230 or

http://youtu.be/C-vBAEvcjM0

(if you can stand the bouncing ball) or

http://youtu.be/ooCxCOd7My0

(if you’re not in any hurry)

(After both songs, everyone leaves the stage except Trish and the shepherds/sheep.)

Trish: Akiva, thank you for telling your story and for sharing those beautiful songs with us. Was there anything else noteworthy that you’d like to tell us before you return to your sheep?

Akiva: Yes, there was an unusual star in the sky that seemed like it was just hanging over the stable where Mary, Joseph, and Jesus were staying.

Trish: Do you mean that there was a star in the sky that wasn’t normally there?

Akiva: Yes, but you should ask the magi about that. I need to get back to my sheep.

Trish: Ok, we’ll see if we can get the wise men right after this message from our sponsors.

(Shepherd either leaves stage or does the commercial live and then leaves the stage.)

SCENE 7 Wool Products Ad

(Voiced by shepherd)

First Century people, get your wool products from Shepherds of the Fields. We have a full line of wool products and innovative knitwear such as sweaters, hats, baby blankets, kilts and cloaks.

SCENE 8 Interview of Magi

(Depending on how many kids you have, you can interview one magi or break the lines up for 3 magi. Although names are not given in the Bible, other sources use Balthasar, Caspar, and Melchior.)

Trish: Ladies and Gentlemen, our producers managed to find those magi of which the shepherd spoke. We bring to you a magi straight from Bethlehem. Please welcome, Balthasar, magi from the East.

(Balthasar enters through the time machine door while audience applauds. Balthasar and Trish shake hands sit down.)

Trish: My, my, aren’t your robes opulent! But putting that aside, we just finished speaking with a shepherd who said that you would be the one to tell us about this unexpected star that hung in the sky over Bethlehem when the boy king was born.

Balthasar: Well, Trish, let me say that you are wearing some interesting togs yourself, but perhaps not appropriate for my times. As you may know, some people mistakenly call us magi kings, while others call us wise men. I like to think of myself as a kind of scientist and wise man of my times.

Trish: (Motioning for Balthasar to get on with his story) Can you get to the point?

Balthasar: Ahem. My colleagues and I are experts in many areas, one of which is astronomy. Many people confuse the words astronomy and astrology, saying that we make predictions from the stars, but we are bonafide experts in a-stron-o-my, meaning that we know the patterns of the stars in the skies.

(Trish motions again for Balthasar to get on with his story.)

Balthasar: The three of us immediately noticed that there was an extra star in the sky and plotted that it was just hanging there, night after night, to our west. We wondered what kind of miraculous event would cause such a thing to happen. We packed up our belongings along with some gifts befitting a king, hopped on our camels and headed west.

Trish: (yawning) Did you go straight to Bethlehem?

Balthasar: If only we had, a lot of trouble would have been avoided. But alas, we went to Jerusalem. It’s all right there in chapter 2 of Matthew’s scroll. You could have saved me the trip if you had only read it for yourself, but there are a lot of people out there who have not read their scrolls enough! (shaking his finger at the audience)

Trish: Perhaps you could summarize what happened for us, Balthasar, in 1,000 words or less.

Balthasar: (grinning) Why yes, Trisha, I think I could. We gathered up our gold, our frankincense, and our myrrh and went to Jerusalem. We asked around for the babe that was born and told people that we had come to worship him. King Herod and all of the people in Jerusalem were disturbed by this. We sure stirred up a hornet’s nest there! We eventually learned that the kiddo had been born in Bethlehem, so we high-tailed it out of Jerusalem and over to Bethlehem. Right before we left, King Herod found us and asked us when the star first appeared so that he would know the birth date of the child. He also asked us to stop on our return trip to let him know where we found the child. He said that he, too, wanted to worship him, but we didn’t believe him for a second. We visited the baby king in Bethlehem, gave him gifts, and then snuck home by a different route to avoid Herod.

Trish: This King Herod sounds like a fascinating man. Perhaps we should get him on the show. As for you, magi, you have taken up enough of our time with your excess of words. Off with you, so that we can have a word from our sponsors.

Balthasar: But what about my song? Have you heard “We Three Kings of Orient Are…” (Balthasar sing the title if willing)

Trish: (shaking her head no) No way, Balthasar. You’ve had enough time. Besides, people sing that song in January on Epiphany. You’ll have to wait. Now, get out of here, but thank you for coming.

(Balthasar leaves stage through time machine door, or does ad first and then leaves.)

SCENE 9 Astrology Ad

For only a small sum, we can predict your future for you! We can advise you on business deals, weigh in on big decision in your life, and tell you your luckiest numbers. Call now, 1-800-555-5555 to speak with the magi of your choice.

SCENE 10 Interview with King Herod and Gabriel

Trish: Today we have a special treat for you on the Time Machine Talk Show. We have two guests who will debate the role of this baby king. First, please give a round of applause to King Herod! (Instead of clapping, as Herod enters through the time machine door, kids gasp loudly in fear, then there is a hush. Trish shakes hands with Herod and gives an awkward little bow. They both go over to sit and Trish almost sits down, but then Herod gives her a warning look and she pops back up, waiting for Herod to sit first.)

Herod: Trish, you may sit down. (Trish sits.)

Trish: Welcome, King Herod. It is such an honor to be speaking with you today.

Herod: Yes, of course it is. What can I do for you, Trish?

Trish: (nervously) King Herod, the people would like to hear how you feel about this baby that was born in Bethlehem and rumored to be a future king.

Herod: Trish, could you give me the precise address of this baby of whom you speak?

Trish: (becoming more confident and also rolling her eyes) No, King Herod, I cannot divulge his location.

Herod: I had to ask, Trish. Anyway, you asked me how I feel about the little tyke. Of course, I am curious, with sons of my own, how it might be that this baby of paupers could become king someday. I would like to meet him and pay homage. It is important to smooze with future leaders.

Trish: Some say that you wish to do harm to this child.

Herod: Who says it? Give me their names. And addresses.

Trish: There is a rumor that you have ordered the death of all boy children under the age of 2 in Bethlehem and surrounding areas.

Herod: Who said that? Who is your source?

Trish: My source is chapter 2 of the ancient scrolls of Matthew.

Herod: I can see that my greatness will not be remembered in good light in the future.

Trish: We have another guest who will be joining us and who would like to ask you a few questions. King Herod, Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Gabriel.

(Trish and Herod both stand to shake hands with Gabriel who enters from the other side – NOT through the time machine door. Trish hesitates before sitting, watching the other two. Gabriel plops down first. Herod frowns and sits second, then Trish quickly sits.)

Trish: Welcome, Gabriel.

Gabriel: Thank you, Trish. Greetings, Herod.

Herod: Hello, Gabriel. Who exactly are you?

Trish: Gabriel, I noticed that you did not enter through the time machine.

Herod: Who exactly are you, Gabriel?

Gabriel: Don’t get your panties in a wad, Herod. There is no cause for alarm. Your judgement day will come later, at which time, you might want to be a bit concerned. I am an angel. Chief angel, to be exact. As an angel, I live with God, eternally, and therefore I do not require a time machine for time travel.

Trish: Gabriel, we invited you to speak on the Time Machine Talk Show today to give your opinions on this baby king that was born in the first century. Why did God conceive this baby at this time?

Gabriel: As you know, Trish, it was foretold by the prophet Isaiah that a virgin would be with child. That’s Mary. And that this son will reign over David’s kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness forever.

Herod: (butting in quickly) But what about me? I am king and I have sons who will be king after me!

Gabriel: Calm down, Herod. God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son so that whoever believes will not perish, but have everlasting life. God sent his son to teach his people how to live and love each other, not to rule his earthly kingdom. Your job is safe, although your soul might not be in the same position. God sacrificed his only son so that the sins of his people would be forgiven and they could live with him forever.

Herod: Uh oh. I’m out of here.

(Herod jumps up and runs out through the time machine door.)

Trish: Gabriel, I’d guess that you might not be seeing King Herod in the afterlife?

Gabriel: Trish, that will be between God and Herod. You might want to be more concerned about yourself.

Trish: (surprised) What do you mean?

Gabriel: On that note, I had best be going. We are busy, busy, busy up in heaven.

(Gabriel leaves but NOT through the time machine door.)

Trish: Well, there you have it. If you read your Bibles, you’ll see that Jesus and his family managed to escape before Herod’s men could find them. Mary and Joseph did a fine job raising him. He fulfilled his mission on earth in his early thirties and now sits at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty. Thank you for watching our show today. After a final word from our sponsors, please join us in singing Silent Night.

SCENE 11 Time Machine Ad

(voice over by random person)

Are you bored with your time share? Been to the same places time after time? (pun intended) Sell your time share and buy a time machine! Time travel is the newest and greatest thing, better than a cruise! For only 36 easy payments of one million dollars each, it will be yours!

picture on screen during ad: (Dr. Who’s police box)

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7e/Dr_Who_(316350537).jpg

(All participants come to the stage to sing Silent Night.)

Director: Please join us in singing “Silent Night” together. If you have bought a baby gift, you may bring it to the communion rail during the song or raise your hand and one of the stage hands will bring it up for you.

Everyone, audience included, sings Silent Night. Either use UMH 239 or http://youtu.be/jFT604sgMCQ (Elvis style) or http://youtu.be/Tp7YMXyN9wM (a little faster, as long as you don’t mind mispelled words on the screen)

Children bow for applause. Afterward, actors stand in place while director thanks everyone and invites everyone to Fellowship Hall for Jesus’ birthday cake. Children process by two’s while “Joy to the World” plays:

http://youtu.be/Bsz3wxlK398 (classical by New London Choir and London Symphony)

or

http://youtu.be/-lI6wGafOjM (by the Howard Gospel Choir – a fast version)

Cast – In order of appearance (# of people in that role)

Trish/Tommy Timewarp (can be 1 or 2 people)

Mary

Joseph

Reporter (can be Trish/Tommy)

Akiva (can add another shepherd and sheep)

Balthasar (can add 2 more magi)

Herod (could be Queen Herodita?)

Gabriel (could be female head angel Gabrielle or Gabriella)

Ad voices for Ads (0 to 6)

stage hands (0 to 2)

tech person to run powerpoint, microphones, sound bites, and music (1)

Most of the parts do not overlap, so if you have very few actors, you could let them double up on parts and just change costumes between scenes.